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[求批改] 托福写作——[独立][tpo40]

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发表于 2018-8-22 12:43 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
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It is undeniable that each parent tries to devote  themselves to the growth of their children. The situation that some parents offer their school-age children money for each high mark is definitely common in each country. While money actually serves as a stimulus in some students' study at some times, I assert that it is not a good idea for the development of school-age children.
Firstly, studying diligently and aiming to attaining good grades in classes are considered as the responsibilities of every student. They are obligated to be educated for years before stepping into societies and made contributions to the country according to the law. It is a universal standard for high mark to be a symbol of endeavor and intelligence of a student. Only students work hard for each class, like mathematics, computer technology, physics and  chemistry and take remarkable academic performance, can they accomplish in excellent results in exams and a high-salary occupation in the future. Students are supposed to pursue their dreams and goals spontaneously form the deep bottom of heart rather than driven by money or other subjective encouragement.
Secondly, the stimulative system of money will has a hazardous impact on the school-age children's personalities. Money is like a coin with two sides, which not only bring people to good things but also to severely bad ones. Similarly, money may spur some students to struggle for good marks. On the contrast, once they are addictive to the entertainment or enjoyment derived from money, they will end up managing to do everything to get money. Students who really hate learning may choose to cheat in exams for high grade in order to acquire the money earned by their poor parents. They even also work as a annoying thief and finally are arrested into the prison. In this way, their previous characters of kindness, honesty, happiness and justice are dramatically replaced by  traits of darkness, laziness and evil. How fearing it is!
Ultimately, the education concept that good mark means more money does not benefit in the individual  development of students. Even though a high grade indicates your distinguished performance in study, there are other many factors critical to one's comprehensive growth, such as creativity, respect to others, skills of communication, expression and organization, team spirit and cooperative  abilities, all of which play a significant role in one's success. Unfortunately, the encouragement of money will make students only concentrate on marks and ignore that it is necessary to make process in those aspects mentioned above by actively participating in some fascinating campus activities or clubs and raising their own interests like music, swimming and skiing.  A plentiful and rich life always make sense.
To sum up, no matter how much one parent loves his/her school-age children, it is never a feasible and great idea to provide them with money for high grade   since its damage to students' responsibility, personalities and personal development.

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